–Neighborhood Obituary, September 23rd, 2009–

Mr. S. Rat, Aged 2

He is survived by his 3,406 brothers and 2,011 sisters. Funeral services will be held at 3 am tomorrow in a dank subterranean burrow just below the sidewalk, followed by a memorial dinner to be held in the garbage cans lining 4th Avenue, including Megan’s. In lieu of memorial offerings, the family has asked that mourners leave tiny fetid rat turds in and around the garbage areas following the memorial dinner.

May he rest in peace.